Bezirk [1] in Berlin© – 37:  December 10, 2012

STOCKING STRATEGY

I have a beloved uncle who’s originally from Boston but has lived in Miami now for decades (actually, at 95, he’s now been in Miami most of his life).  Anyway, he has a taste for clam chowder and he used to be able to get it at his local grocery store.  When he noticed that they were always out of it, he asked the store manager about it.  Know what the guy told him?  “We kept running out of it, so we stopped carrying it.”  Really?  A product is flying off the shelves and you have a choice between:  (a) ordering more (and making more money); or (b) discontinuing it so you don’t have to re-stock the shelves so often.  Wonder why American businesses are failing?  Apparently, the manager’s objectivewas to simply keep the shelves full rather than sell products.  What would happen if I applied that strategy to my pantry (well, I don’t actually HAVE a pantry – I just have lots of various nooks and crannies where I put stuff )?  Whenever I see some product I haven’t tried before, I buy it because I’m curious.  Often I like it; sometimes I don’t.  I recently bought some jam that looked good, but it looks a lot better than it tastes.   BUT, it IS lasting longer than the jams that we like, so I should keep buying it because it lasts longer?

UMMM….DON’T THINK SO!

Every now and then, I get some random text message on my phone, similar to this one:  Today I will see you and make wild sex with you.  Call me back right away at my private line.  Probably not gonna happen!

BRILLIANT!!

I saw something today that is a wonderful idea.  I don’t know whether this is a unique instance or whether it is standard equipment on cars in Germany.  One of my neighbors had opened the trunk to his car to get something out and on the inside of the lid to the trunk was one of those triangular, light-reflective warning signs.  So, if his car breaks down, all he has to do is open the trunk lid and other drivers – even in the dark – can see the warning sign.  Seems to me that it would be a good idea to put this on every car at the factory.  How much could it possibly cost?  Sure, folks can buy these signs and put them in their cars themselves (and I heartily suggest that you do) but most won’t and it would benefit everyone.  It’s a trivial cost that car manufacturers could simply pass on to the buyers.  Umm, excuse me while I go write all the car manufacturers and my Congressman.  (And then, I’m going to start buying stock in the company that makes those little signs.)

A NEW SOURCE FOR FUEL?

There’s already a project here in Germany to investigate using sewage as an energy source; I can’t remember what the official name of it is, but I call it “Poo Power.”  This has led me to come up with another idea.  It’s pretty obvious that, at least on road trips, gasoline turns into urine.  How do I know this?  Well, whenever you start out, your bladder is empty and your gas tank is full.  Then, as you go along, your bladder starts to get full and your gas tank starts to get empty.  Every time you make a pit stop to rectify these two problems, this process recurs.  So, if gasoline converts to urine, why couldn’t you reverse the process?  And, of course, I would call it “Piss Power.”

GLORY GOATS?

From time to time we see some puzzling things.  Of course, part of that is just getting older and more easily puzzled, and part of that is living in a foreign country.  Yesterday I saw a guy wearing a cap with a curious motto – No Goats, No Glory.  I’m pretty sure there’s an interesting story behind that and would love to know what it was.  I also wish I knew where he got it, because I have a friend who raises goats and would really love to get one for him, so he could be as puzzled as I am.

I LOVE YOU, NORTH AMERICAN NUMBERING PLAN!!

OK, so you might not be a phone geek, but the NANP is the marvelous scheme the US telcos use for phone numbers.  It gives you your area codes and your phone number.  It’s why all numbers in the US are 10 digits (with the area code) or 7 digits without the area code.  If somebody gives you their phone number and you write it down and discover that you have a number of digits other than 10 of 7, you KNOW you don’t have the number down correctly.  Sure do wish the Germans would latch onto that concept!  I don’t know what the range of correct number of digits is, but our home phone is 8 digits and we frequently get calls for some doctor.  After more than 2 years, we’ve cracked the code – his number is 9 digits and has two 4s where we only have one.  It’s not a big problem for us, since it happens only a few times a week (and, since it’s a business, the calls only come during business hours).  What CAN be amusing, however, is when someone argues with us about whether they’ve misdialed or not, because, presumably, if they had dialed correctly, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation, would we?  Still, I’ll take that over all the telemarketing calls from businesses, charities, and, especially this year, political campaigns we’d have to endure in the US right now!!

GESHUNDHEIT!!

I don’t merely sneeze – I have explosive sneezing episodes of impressive duration.  In fact, the other day I was in mid-sneeze-a-thon just before I entered the grocery store and a biker passing by said, “Gesundheit” to me.  My sneezing bouts are so extraordinary that the National Weather Service was considering naming each episode, much like they do hurricanes.  They had second thoughts, however, when they realized that – given the frequency of these episodes, they wouldn’t even make it through January before they’d have to re-start the list of names – the sneezing episode known as ‘Zeke’ would probably come as early as the third week in January.

HOW PERVERSE CAN YOU GET?

You know how there’s all the extra junk on your screen when you’re on the Internet?  Stuff you never asked for but is pushed at you whenever you logon to certain sites?  Well, I logged onto the site I usually check for weather today.  I wasn’t especially surprised that an ad for the Red Cross popped up, asking me to donate money to cover the costs of Hurricane Sandy.  I wouldn’t have been surprised, either, for this ad to be accompanied by photos or videos of some of the hurricane damage.  What DID surprise me was that there was a link labeled “See friends at risk in severe weather.”  Well, no, I’m not particularly interested in seeing my friends while they’re in mortal danger, thank you!

TO END ON A POSITIVE NOTE…..

You can always rely upon kids to lighten things up.  Once again, the blog’s resident artist, Evie Fullingim, offers the work of her granddaughter, Anna Johnson, to accomplish that objective.  Anna’s interpretation of William’s destructive tendencies is that he’s just trying to express his “inner clown”.  (We, of course, know that he doesn’t need any motivation to do these things – all that has to happen is for something to occur to him.  His mind is very simple, really.  After all, his brain is only about the size of a walnut.)

 William the Wonder Cat - 21 - Clown


[1] ‘Bezirk’ is German for ‘neighborhood.’

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